I’m in the Sassy Mastermind – one of Lisa Sasevich’s highly invested clients – this weekend is her big event BIG MISSION, BIG SALES, BIG LIFE – and I’m home.

I have to tell you it’s bittersweet – I’m here for a few reasons. First off I’m here because this is my weekend to be mom. Last year mom did a lot of traveling – mom made a mistake thinking that the boy was old enough now and could handle her absence – in mom’s absence some stuff happened – normal stuff – teenage stuff – stuff that is expected – but wasn’t really expected for some reason by me. It’s not my fault that the stuff happened but it triggered an old wound – another time when mom was absent – a time long ago when the boy was a toddler – and that old wound is still healing I guess. Guilt is a heavy thing – it can really hobble your forward movement. Working my own medicine on this one is part of what is happening while I sit here with my calendar clear on the days that were booked for me to attend this event.

I’m here because I made some big investment choices this year that just didn’t turn out the way I had planned. I invested my $$ in the creation and production of the 6 Figure Speakers Summit and while everything on the OUTSIDE looked like it was perfectly in place to be a big success – on the inside something else all together was going on – which was reflected in a big way in the financial results from the event. I invested heavily in Kevin Nations Love Mastermind at the Diamond level – a decision that was guided by my heart – and was completely irrational if you looked at it from the practical perspective – one that has already paid off and will continue to pay off for the rest of my life in terms of what I’m learning – and I’ve been sabotaging my own progress – repeatedly in this program. I invested in staying on with Lisa again for another year – again a decision guided by the heart and not really practical financially based upon my other present obligations – another choice that has paid off HANDSOMELY and will continue for the rest of my life to pay off – I’ve sabotaged myself here too – not following the program – but needing to do it “MY” way – has cost – Lisa told me in the spring to be careful of doing a summit – did I listen??? NO! (Old trauma with authority figures and teachers maybe?)

I’m also here because I need to be – I need to have some down time – I need to rest – I need to integrate – I need to re-focus – I need to let go of some more stuff inner and outer – I need to be ok with being here instead of being there – I need to accept that at least for the time being I have yet to master being in two places physically at the same time – and truth be told I need to SLOW DOWN and be much more mindful about exactly how and where I’m spending my time, money and energy. I have been making mistakes – too many of them for my liking – also exactly what I need to be doing – in order to have some learning – about myself – about what motivates me – about what I want to motivate me.  I need to forgive myself for all of them – every single one.

I’m sitting here in this space – happy too!  I am happy for the extra time with my son – who is now over my head and out the door most of the time – happy for the extra time with my Divine Business Partner Mikael Sami-Kumara – happy that we spent the second half of today in deep ceremony and ritual interacting with the energy field and the Deva of our divine business and happy that I have the opportunity to create some beauty in my home – I started painting my spare bedroom and beading area at mid-day – a lovely shade – Midwest Spring – a beautiful relaxing and invigorating blue – pictures to come!  I am happy I have some time to write too! It feels like it’s been too long since I wrote from the heart. I am happy that I made time to make a nice big pot of soup – Portobella Mushroom and Lentil – haven’t made that since last winter.  I’m happy doing all the little things that make me happy – even cleaned out the garage yesterday when I would otherwise have been flying – put all the  yard furniture away for the winter too.

Today I gave myself a little gift – to some it might not seem like one but to me it really was! I spent the morning – the morning that was booked on my calendar as a day to be sitting in one of those seats – sitting at my desk instead – I spent the entire morning – sorting through my pictures folder and uploading my favorite Rose photos to my Fine Art America online gallery. You know what??? I LOVED it – I LOVE LOVE LOVE these photos – I’m not done yet with this little project and every folder I open is holding magical surprises for me – I am taken to the moments when the beauty was captured – I am taken out into nature into the time of abundant blossoming – I am returned to the early promise of spring and the growing season of summer – I am reminded of one of my many gifts – a gift that may or may not be as highly valued in the marketplace as some of my other gifts, but one that is CERTAINLY valuable to me. I am grateful that I have the eyes to see and the ears to hear. I know when it’s time to act and when to be still. I am returned to a remembrance of trust and knowing that all is exactly as it should be in this moment. I am at peace.

Love lights us! Peace is in you!
Joy is your Birthright – Beauty is to be Honored and Celebrated

Pink Butterfly