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Did you notice??? Lately – I have NOT been paying attention!! I thought I had my act together – but apparently that is NOT the case!! When I broke my arm last winter – I realized that I needed to get help – which I did – and for which I’m very grateful – but what happened is this – I let go of some aspects of my life, my work and my business that were NOT in my best interests to let go of – most importantly – my connections with my child and with my community and also with what I’ve been putting out there for content and value. 

What happened in my personal life is I became so disconnected from my child that I missed some important clues that in retrospect I should have noticed that he was heading down a slippery slope.  Now I want to say to you that I am NOT an advocate of “Shoulding” on  yourself – however at the same time I am clear that we each need to take personal responsibility for our own choices and actions AND for the consequences of those actions.  After much medicine work and a re-aligning with my deepest priorities I am more deeply committed than ever to SHOWING UP for him – for the next three years of his high school career and beyond.  He may be bigger than me now but the truth is he still needs guidance, wisdom, boundaries and a loving hug in full presence on a regular basis.  I’m recommitting myself to being a much better parent – and as a result I’m quite sure with all the gifts that he has to offer – a much better person in the long run. 

20100728_23 Wonder of wonders – my teen actually asked to go on a trip together – we went and spent several days at the end of July in Montreal – while there I got to know him all over again – I got to see that he’s not a little boy at all any more – and that he also still needs, wants and loves to be with his mom (when his friends aren’t around of course 🙂 ) We journeyed together and just hung out – visiting shops, going to the movies and walking for miles – it was great – and we’re making a plan to go back again soon – A little mom – son retreat on a regular basis – to break up the routine that creates a rut – to see who we each are NOW and to re-connect in more meaningful and powerful ways with each other and with our relationship.  I’m grateful and acknowledge how fortunate that I am to have this young man in the making under my care and stewardship and I understand the responsibility for this relationship working is squarely on ME – like in any relationship – you can’t change the other person – you can only change yourself – so if it ain’t working – go look in the mirror.

As far as connecting to my community goes = I stopped writing – for a long time.  Now I can release and forgive myself for my lack of writing while I was in a cast – that’s understandable – and I supplemented for a little bit there with some fun, entertaining and I hope content value videos -  however – I’ve been out of the cast now for months – and still – no writing and no videos either.  I slacked off and asked someone else to handle getting information out on my blogs and you know what – it SHOWS that I have not been mindful.  I’ve not been paying attention at all!

The other day I took a look at my blog and said YUCK!  There’s nothing here of substance.  Yuck!   So I’ve decided it’s time – time to actually PAY ATTENTION to the things that work.  To be IN my business – rather than "abdicating" the throne and turning the reigns over to someone else who may or may not know what I REALLY want to say and who certainly doesn’t have the same level of connection (in fact can’t possibly have the same level of connection) with my audience as I do. 

Mea Culpa – I come to you now and hope that I can make amends for any damage done to our relationship – I forgive myself and I am also now AWARE.  Once you are aware – you can’t make any more excuses.  I hope you can forgive me too.  I’m not broken any more and my prayer is that I haven’t broken your trust and our relationship with each other. 

My commitment is to come back to the basics and to set up a consistent practice of delivering quality, high frequency, valuable content and Divine Wisdom through this channel.  I intend to be a better blogger. I hope you’ll continue on the journey with me….

I also feel like I lost (or let go of) my connection to my SOUL team – It’s been a long time since I really felt clearly open and receiving ALL THE TIME – sure I’m doing medicine work a lot and when I’m working with clients the connection is clear and strong and easy to get to – however when I get off the phone it’s like I’ve hung up on my “Celestial Team” as well.  I dropped my morning practice of yoga, meditation and journaling and got caught up in the practice of jumping on the computer every morning as soon as I got out of bed – but not really DOING anything meaningful.  I’ve recently recommitted to my morning yoga practice and it feels great – I’m calmer, more centered, more balanced, more mindful and I’m starting to make some clear choices about how I want my life to be designed and SIMPLIFICATION is a big part of that decision.

Of course this was all precipitated by an injury to my body – and my choices following the injury of how to manage through the healing and recovery.  Truth is I panicked – I let fear grab a hold of me and we’ve been running together for the better part of the year.  Being in fear causes you to make poor choices, being in fear causes results that are fear based and perpetuate themselves, being in fear makes everything you do come out like crap – half assed – half baked – not mindful – certainly not valuable – it’s like when you are in fear everything you create adds to the illusion and nothing is based in actual reality.

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Actual reality is a beauty filled place – Nature is our greatest reflection of this – so I’ve chosen to get back to nature – to spend more time outside – to connect more deliberately with the Earth – to let GO and release everything that doesn’t serve me – to open more fully to the gifts of people, places and prosperity all around me – to recapture my positive attitude and to care for myself and my body consistently, mindfully and worshipfully.  I’m back on the yoga mat now three times a week for full hour classes  at the gym and daily with my video buddy Rodney Yee – I’m making better eating choices – I’m making better investment choices all the way around.  Where do I want to spend this one precious and Wyld life?  Fearlessly In Freedom, In Right Relationship, In LOVE. 

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