Last month before she relocated up north to live in the beautiful lakes region with my brother,  my 83 year old mom asked me to go with her to her Women’s Club annual meeting and luncheon.  The leaders of the organization wanting to do something special to celebrate the annual meeting asked that everyone wear a hat – so we did!

ManyhatsWhen I got to the event I was astounded at the diversity, creativity, and beauty of the many hats – and felt palpably the metaphor being played out right in front of me of the many hats that we wear as women.  The various roles that we take on – mother, sister, daughter, wife, friend, partner, colleague, confidant, nurse, provider, washerwoman, housekeeper, business woman, speaker, author, artist, performer, designer, dancer, the list is endless – all the hats that we get to try on and to play with.

RE-member that these are all roles – and that we don’t have to get ManyHats Mom“trapped” in any one of them.  We are the actors, we are the owners and creators of the hats – we get to choose which one’s we want to wear now and which ones we can store in the closet for later.  We certainly do not ever have to put all the hats on at once (unless of course we are like the cap man in the book “Caps for Sale” remember reading that to your little ones’ or maybe hearing “Caps for Sale 50 Cents a Cap!” when you were little?)

I learned alot that day about myself, about being a woman, about my mom and about women interacting with and sharing with other women.  A lot of good medicine came for me from that day – many observations about patterns of behavior of my own that

Hamburger Hat - Talk about Creative!

Hamburger Hat - Talk about Creative!

I clearly “saw” during the course of the luncheon were passed on from my mother that I had not previously been consciously aware of.

It was interesting to observe that after being a member of this club for 46 years and this being her last time there (which she made known to the officers) that no one recognized that – however she also wanted to leave early so it’s impossible to determine whether there were plans for that which were thwarted by her early departure.  It also struck me how none of the other ladies chose to sit with her and I – it was starkly apparent to me that she really had no friends there at all and whether she was excluded or had excluded herself over the years wasn’t really clear.

In any event it was interesting to note and to put into my own medicine ManyHatsLilacswork – to look at the ways and the times in my own life where I have felt left out – on the edges, the wall flower, looking in on the fun but not really engaged in it etc.  The other thing that I have really been comprehending even more deeply especially since she has moved out of the area and the energy of her close presence has receded is just how deeply dysfunctional my mom is and has been all my life – I’ve known it for a while and done an enormous amount of healing around it, for which I’m incredibly grateful.

From my end I’ve forgiven all the “junk” that was there for me to let go of ManyHatsNetHatand I’ve harvested and given thanks for the gifts that were present for me from growing up in this particular family.  It can be a pretty painful process to admit to yourself that your biological family is toxic and that you need to create really strong and clear boundaries for yourself in order to have a healthy, productive and joyful life as well as finding good role (there’s that word role again!) models that reflect health, well being, prosperity and joy so you can learn what  just simply wasn’t in your world view or environment during your own process of  ManyHatsPinkRosesgrowing up.

Another observation that bubbled to the surface was the non-stop judgmental commentary from my mom about “these women” and how snobby they were which was really masking a feeling of  being either “not good enough” or “too much”.   I personally didn’t feel that way but I was definitely observing that my mom was waffling between the two feelings and I must admit I’ve felt them myself more than once in my life – that nasty habit of judging ourselves pretty harshly in relationship to others or the even nastier and sometimes more subtle habit of judging others about whom we know nothing at all!


I was also brought to the awareness in recent weeks that these feelings are challenges for other women too – I’m in this wonderful Mastermind group that meets weekly and during last week’s meeting there were two powerfully successful women who were spotlighted – both of them working with the same coin – just on opposite sides – one seemed to be struggling with the “not enough” energies – she has been trying for a long long time to get the “Magic Words” that will define her business and make her stand out – and her frustration with the wait for this to emerge from the Creative Matrix for her was really evident – she seemed on the verge of tears – really not happy with herself and her “inability” to just get this – and underlying  – the feeling I got was one of fear – that she better get this and get it soon – that fear of not having enough, of not being good enough, of not doing enough – in fear that she will be invisible, too small, that the right clients won’t be able to find her.

ManyHatsTOOMUCH The other woman in the spotlight was on the “TOO MUCH!” side of the coin – for her the energies were playing out around keeping her “Edge” in the closet – for fear of being too overwhelming, edgy, sharp, or to the point and yet by her own words her clients really wanted this.  The interesting thing about her story was that “edge” was what had made her very successful in her previous career and now in her new career as a coach she’s been “trained” to let her clients find their own way and not tell them what to do – and yet they want that from her – and I’m guessing somewhere deep down those clients are very specifically attracted to her because they can sense that underneath the “softer, kinder, gentler” hat that she is projecting that there is this wonderful no holds barred, edgy, masterful, strong, kick butt and take names coach who can really push them to their next best level – yet here she is ‘afraid to let that out of the closet’ – in fear of being TOO MUCH, overwhelming, overpowering  (Back!! Back With you Into the Closet!! Don’t you dare be TOO MUCH) – in fear of driving people/clients away.

How often do we try to fit ourselves into what we believe is what “THEY”

Plain Hat Decorated With Pins!

Plain Hat Decorated With Pins!

want – whoever “THEY” may be – our ideal client, our kids, our spouse, our parents, our teachers?  How much energy are we expending trying to surpress parts of ourselves or to force something to come when it’s just not time yet (and may not even be necessary!) ?  How many experiences with coaches, teachers, parents, well meaning friends and relatives do we have to have where we listen to well meaning suggestions but end up going astray and losing our own compass that will always point us in the right direction?

Time to take a break!  Time to stop the world! Time to drop the roles!  Time to take off and maybe even throw out or burn up some of the Many Hats!  Time to accept ourselves in all our beauty! Gentle, Wise, Nurturing, Edgy, Ferocious, Strong!  Time to take all of our attributes and merge them  powerfully and masterfully, integrating all of our qualities in harmony and Divine Union!   Time to realize that when we trust ourselves  and let ourselves be open and aware in each moment that we’ll always know which hat to put on, which attribute to bring out, which piece of ourselves to share and with whom!  Time to be who WE REALLY ARE – Limitless, Light, Perfect, and Exactly where Monetize Your Mission Trip 019we need to be on our own profoundly unique journey.

By the way for any men who might be reading this – I believe you may benefit from these words as well – although (at least in this lifetime) I can’t speak for your perspective I would welcome your thoughts and observations around the subject as well!

Do you find yourself drowning, treading water, overwhelmed, feeling left behind, exhausted, depleted or drained from all the roles that you have taken on?  If so Energy Medicine Work can assist you in sorting through what makes sense to keep and what you can let go of – often there are past life, karmic, ancestral, generational, or present life experiences embedded in the energy field that attract experiences or catalyze patterns of behavior that may not even be your own and yet will cause you to lose life force and spin around in circles wasting your energy and not really moving forward on your epic journey. For Passion-preneurs I’m offering a Business Energy Evaluation Summer Special for $197.00 – if you would like to book a BEE please send me email along with a payment through paypal to with I Want a BEE in the subject line.